Gender continued...

Men Can't Be Mothers

Overall, what I think I learned or rather what stuck with me most, like Velcro, about what it meant to be male, or rather not female, could be summed up in four statements: Men can’t be mothers, don’t wear dresses, talk like girls, or act too silly. These four each represent for me a general guideline in the categories of roles, behaviors, mannerisms, and traits of manhood.

I remember as early as pre-school, during an after-school date with my small group of carpool friends, as we determined roles for “playing house”, I said something to convey that I would like to be the mother.  I don’t know why I said it, it just came out of me. Perhaps to try and get a laugh. Or perhaps because I had observed and wanted to portray some quality that I admired and thought mothers possessed.  I’m certain it was not because I desired to birth or have children.

Photo by Austin Wade on Unsplash

The others looked at me with faces akin to disgust, (an emotional response of rejection or revulsion to something potentially contagious or offensive, distasteful, or unpleasant) and said, “You can’t be a mother!” 

I felt an emotion deeper than embarrassment as I processed the information. Why did I not already know that I couldn’t be a mother?  And why were these other children so strongly opposed, particularly the girls?  Their reaction not only got my attention that day, but that of a younger sister of one of the group members, who asked me years later if I remembered saying I wanted to be a mother?  I did remember. For I had clearly stepped over some kind of important line that day, even at that early age.

*Thank you for reading and/or listening. Continue to next post Gender continued…Men Don't Wear Dresses. To read from the beginning please go to Why I'm Writing in the Archive.

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