Gender continued...
Men Don't Wear Dresses
Around the same time, I also enjoyed dressing up in different outfits and costumes. I had a dark blue SWAT uniform that I practically lived in. And I had many hats, masks, holsters and belts from which I could choose to be a fireman, werewolf, carpenter etc.
One day I put on layers and layers of my clothes such that I could hardly move from all the padding. As my mom discovered me stuck on the closet floor, I told her I was trying to dress like a baseball catcher.
Another day, my mom had all these light and airy night gowns of pastel colors, I decided to try these on for an afternoon and walk around the house with the gowns flowing and blowing behind me. All I remember as it got closer to the time when my father would be coming home from work, was my mom suggesting that I take these dresses off before he arrived.
I’m sure her tone was not the same disapproving sneer as my play group. And yet from whatever combination of signals she conveyed, I sensed that it was not so appropriate to have these gowns on when my father arrived. Perhaps it was from a compounding number of observations up to that point, in and outside of our home, that then solidified into my realization that men don’t wear dresses.
*My mom and I have discussed this incident since I wrote the words above and she assures me that my intuitive sensitivity signals were off in this case. She didn’t care that I was “dressing it up.” She just wanted things put away before dinner, homework, bedtime etc. So where were these distinctions coming from, of what a boy should or should not be or do?
As an aside, I’ve never really understood or liked the phrase, “He’s all boy.” I’d always thought it was used as a statement of pride by a parent or other fan of a male youngster who left no doubt as to their qualities of masculinity such as strength, courage, independence, assertiveness etc. I wasn’t aware of another meaning of the phrase until I came upon it recently where “He’s all boy” is also used by a parent or guardian as a kind of apology for a male child who appears unruly, overly aggressive, or even violent.
Whatever the agreed upon meaning, and perhaps there are multiple that are acceptable, I was not “all boy.” From what I’ve written so far, I was obviously a mix of many qualities, traits and interests. From playing outside and climbing trees; throwing and hitting all kinds of balls; dressing up, singing, and acting; to expressing confidence as well as sensitivity…I was all of these things. And so far as I thought or felt at that time, I was simply all human.
*Thank you for reading and/or listening. Continue to next post Gender continued...Men Don't Talk Like Girls. To read from the beginning please go to Why I'm Writing in the Archive.
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